I sit down on my bed
Tired, exhausted, burnt
It was a busy day in here, my head.
I do nothing, all day, all night
Nothing at dawn, nothing at twilight
Just sit back, pondering
Lie down endlessly thinking
Why am i only floating?
In the slow, grey river of my life
Stagnant, still, lifeless
I only drift by, purposelessly.
If only I were a brook, zealous
I’d be gushing with excitement, over pebbles
Not stressing over my troubles.
If only I were full of life
I’d be lighting bulbs of ideas
I’d be weaving a dream
I’d be travelling a new path.
If only I knew
What I wanted to be
Where I wanted to go
My eyes would sparkle, glint
Not be dull, aching, too heavy to blink
With the burden of seeing myself
Waste this life away, this precious time away.
I would feel alive, I would feel my lungs breathe
I would feel my lips smile, I would giggle
I would make a difference to the world
Plant a few trees, feed a few animals
Ooze love, kindness, my own kind of sunshine.
If only I could,
If only I could.
What stops me I wonder, I ponder even more
In my already busy, trafficked head
From breaking my own inhibitions
From getting out the door, out into the world.
What is this aggression, frustration
Pointless irritation, agitation?
Is this depression? That dreaded monster!
Is it? I need to get away from it
But I feel ashamed, trying to run away,
From that monster, for I need courage to fight it
Courage to face it, my fear, my grief
It is a battle I must fight alone, I know
Because it would, and it could help me
Cast me away from shadows, towards light
I need some strength, some valour
Some care, some love, some help from you
You need to be patient, I will survive
You need to hold my hand,
And then let it go, as I fly, free and high
Because I’m sure I will, someday, soon.
For I’ve heard
A fearless dream and a little hope is all you need
To live this beautiful journey called life.